- "Jesus wears a wrist band that says "What Would Ron Paul Do?"
- "Ron Paul has been shot at more than a dozen times, but the "pro- 2nd Amendment" bullets refuse to harm him."
Ron Paul doesn't go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.
- Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.
- Ron Paul wasn't born. He liberated himself from the womb.
- Ron Paul doesn't pee. He liberates urine
- Studies by the World Health Organization show that Ron Paul is the leading cause of freedom among men.
- Ron Paul can fly, but doesn't because its unconstitutional.
- Ron Paul could lead a horse to water AND convince it to drink, but he doesn't believe the government has the right to so he refuses.